CELPIP Writing Task 1: Writing an Email

CELPIP Writing Task 1 Sample Answer: Unsafe New School Bus Stop

This email asks a school board to move a bus stop that is now on a busy road with no sidewalk. The tricky part is making the danger feel real and suggesting a practical alternative rather than only complaining.

Time

27 minutes

Length

150–200 words

Tone

Formal or semi-formal, depending on the reader

The question

Your nine-year-old son takes the school bus every morning. This year, his bus stop was moved from the corner of your quiet street to a spot on a busy road with no sidewalk. Several parents are worried about children waiting there in the dark during the winter.

Write an email to the school board’s transportation office in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things:

Describe where the new bus stop is.

Explain why you think it is unsafe.

Suggest a better location for the stop.

How to plan your answer

What they want

A formal, polite but concerned email to the school board's transportation office about your son's unsafe new bus stop.
Cover: where the new stop is, why it's unsafe, and a better location.

Plan (27 min)

Greeting: "Dear Transportation Office," with your son's name, age (nine), school and bus route number.
Location: moved from the corner of your quiet street to a spot on a busy road (name it) with no sidewalk.
Danger: children stand on the shoulder next to fast traffic; in winter it is dark and icy.
Suggestion: return the stop to the original corner, or a nearby side street with a sidewalk and streetlight.
Closing: thank them, ask for a reply before winter, full name and phone.

Useful vocabulary

bus stop, busy road, no sidewalk, road shoulder
poor visibility, speeding traffic, streetlight, safety concern

Phrases

I am writing about my son's new bus stop at...
I am concerned that children...
I would suggest moving the stop to..., where...

Avoid

An angry tone; stay calm and focused on safety.
Not giving a specific alternative location.

Excellent answer: around CLB 11–12

Dear Transportation Office, I'm writing on behalf of several families on Cedar Grove regarding the new bus stop for Route 22, which my nine-year-old son, Noah, takes to Lakeview Elementary each morning. For the past three years, the stop was located at the corner of Cedar Grove and Willow Lane, a quiet residential intersection. This September, it was moved roughly 250 metres to Concession Road, directly in front of the Petro-Canada station. This new location concerns us deeply. Concession Road carries heavy commuter traffic at speeds well above the posted 60 km/h, and there is no sidewalk, so the children wait on a narrow gravel shoulder just a few steps from passing trucks. Vehicles turning in and out of the gas station add to the danger. By December, it will be completely dark at the 7:35 pickup time, and snowbanks will push the children even closer to the road. We would ask that the stop return to its previous spot at Cedar Grove and Willow Lane. Alternatively, the community mailbox lay-by on Willow Lane offers space well away from traffic. Thank you for considering our request. Sincerely, Andrea Novak

189 words

Why it scores high

Content/Coherence: 'Vehicles turning in and out of the gas station add to the danger' adds a second hazard that strengthens the case.
Vocabulary: 'heavy commuter traffic', 'well above the posted 60 km/h' and 'narrow gravel shoulder' sound precise and serious.
Task Fulfillment: suggesting both the old corner and 'the community mailbox lay-by on Willow Lane' gives the office a realistic second option.

Good answer: around CLB 7–8

Dear Transportation Office, My name is Jennifer Clarke, and my nine-year-old son, Ethan, takes bus 14 to Westview Elementary School every morning. I am writing about the change to his bus stop this year. Until June, the bus stopped at the corner of Birch Lane and Elm Court, which is a quiet residential street. This September, the stop was moved to Highway 7, in front of the Esso gas station, 300 metres away. I believe this new location is unsafe. Highway 7 is a busy road where cars often drive at 70 km/h or faster, and there is no sidewalk, so the children have to wait on the narrow shoulder right beside the traffic. In the winter, it will still be dark when the bus arrives at 7:40 a.m., and snowbanks will push the children even closer to the road. Several other parents on our street share my concerns. I would like to suggest moving the stop back to the corner of Birch Lane and Elm Court. Thank you for considering this request. Sincerely, Jennifer Clarke

176 words

What works, and what's missing

Content/Coherence: 'cars often drive at 70 km/h or faster' and children waiting 'on the narrow shoulder' make the danger concrete.
Task Fulfillment: naming the old stop at 'Birch Lane and Elm Court' gives a clear alternative, though it is only stated in one sentence without justification.
Vocabulary: 'snowbanks will push the children even closer to the road' is effective, but much of the language is straightforward.

Basic answer: around CLB 4–5

Dear Transportation Office, My name is Maria Santos. My son Lucas is nine years old and he take the school bus every morning to Riverside Elementary. Before, the bus stop was on corner of our street, Maple Crescent. But this year the stop is move to Hillside Road, near the gas station. I think the new bus stop is very dangerous. Hillside Road is very busy and the cars drive fast. There is no sidewalk, so the children must stand next to the road. In winter it is still dark at 7:30 in the morning, and the drivers can't see the kids very good. Also there is snow on the side of road, so there is no space to stand. Many parents in our street is worried. Please move the stop back to the corner of Maple Crescent. It is only 200 metres from the new stop. Thank you, Maria Santos

151 words

What holds it back

Readability: 'he take the school bus', 'the stop is move to Hillside Road' and 'Many parents in our street is worried' contain several verb errors.
Vocabulary: 'the drivers can't see the kids very good' is an informal and incorrect way to express a serious safety concern.
Content/Coherence: the dark 7:30 mornings and snow are relevant details, and the request to return to Maple Crescent 'only 200 metres' away is practical.

These are original CELPass examples written at each level. The CLBs are our estimates, not official CELPIP scores. How we estimate CLB