CELPIP Writing Task 1: Writing an Email

CELPIP Writing Task 1 Sample Answer: Online Dinosaur Gallery Tour Feedback

This prompt asks you to give a museum balanced feedback on its online dinosaur tour: what you enjoyed, what went wrong and how to improve it. The tricky part is staying warm and constructive while still describing the technical problems clearly enough to be fixed.

Time

27 minutes

Length

150–200 words

Tone

Formal or semi-formal, depending on the reader

The question

Last weekend, you and your 10-year-old son took the free online tour of the dinosaur gallery at a natural history museum in Calgary. You both enjoyed parts of it, but you also had some problems while using the tour on your tablet. The museum has asked visitors to send feedback by email.

Write an email to the museum's visitor services team in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things:

Tell them what you enjoyed about the online tour.

Describe the problems you had with the tour.

Suggest ways the museum could improve the tour.

How to plan your answer

What they want

A polite, constructive email to the museum's visitor services team about its online dinosaur tour.
Cover: what you enjoyed, the problems, and suggestions to improve it.

Plan (27 min)

Greeting: "Dear Visitor Services Team," and say when you took the tour and that your son joined you.
Enjoyed: the 360-degree views of skeletons, short videos from the experts, something your son learned.
Problems: the tour froze on your tablet, the audio didn't match the video, or you couldn't zoom in on the labels.
Suggestions: captions or a French version, a live guided session for families or classes, a quiz or activity sheet for kids.
Closing: thank them, say you plan to visit in person, full name.

Useful vocabulary

virtual tour, exhibit, interactive, narration
froze, out of sync, captions, user-friendly

Phrases

We especially enjoyed...
However, we ran into a few problems, such as...
It would be wonderful if you could add...

Avoid

Sounding like a complaint; balance praise and problems.
Vague suggestions like "make it better"; be specific.

Excellent answer: around CLB 11–12

Dear Visitor Services Team, Last Saturday, my 10-year-old son and I explored your online tour of the dinosaur gallery, and I would like to share some feedback. Overall, it was a wonderful experience. The 360-degree views let us examine each skeleton from every angle, and the short clip in which a palaeontologist explains how T. rex constantly replaced its teeth completely captured my son's imagination. He has since asked to visit the gallery in person. That said, we ran into some technical difficulties. On my tablet, the tour froze several times and sent us back to the entrance hall, and the narration lagged a few seconds behind the video. We also found that the exhibit labels could not be enlarged, so much of the written information was unreadable. I would suggest optimizing the tour for tablets and adding a zoom feature for labels. For young visitors, a short interactive quiz at the end would be a great addition, and occasional live sessions with a guide would make the tour even more engaging. Thank you for offering this free resource. Kind regards, Priya Raman

183 words

Why it scores high

Content/Coherence: "Overall, it was a wonderful experience" and "That said" frame the email, giving balanced praise and criticism a natural, gracious flow.
Vocabulary: Phrases like "captured my son's imagination," "lagged a few seconds behind" and "optimizing the tour for tablets" are precise and idiomatic.
Task Fulfillment: Each suggestion answers a problem or a group of users, such as "For young visitors," which shows careful thought about the museum's audience.

Good answer: around CLB 7–8

Dear Visitor Services Team, My name is Priya Raman, and last Saturday my 10-year-old son and I took your free online tour of the dinosaur gallery. I am writing to share some feedback. We really enjoyed many parts of the tour. The 360-degree views of the skeletons were impressive, and my son loved the short video in which a palaeontologist explained how T. rex teeth were replaced. He talked about it all evening. However, we had a few problems. The tour froze four or five times on my tablet, and each time we had to restart from the entrance. The narration was also out of sync with the video, and we could not zoom in to read the exhibit labels. To improve the experience, I suggest testing the tour on tablets and making the labels larger. It would also be wonderful to add a short quiz for children and to offer a live guided tour on weekends. Thank you for creating this free resource. Best regards, Priya Raman

168 words

What works, and what's missing

Task Fulfillment: Each point gets its own paragraph, and the suggestions match the problems, such as "making the labels larger" for unreadable labels.
Vocabulary: Terms like "palaeontologist," "out of sync" and "exhibit labels" fit the museum context and describe the problems precisely.
Content/Coherence: The suggestions are sensible but brief; explaining why a quiz or live tour would help families would make the last paragraph more persuasive.

Basic answer: around CLB 4–5

Dear Visitor Services, My name is Wei Chen. Last Saturday me and my son, he is 10 years old, we did your online tour of dinosaur gallery. We liked it very much. The skeletons look so big and we can turn around and see all sides. My son love the short video from the scientist about T. rex teeth. But we had some problem. On my tablet the tour stop many times and we need to start again. Also the voice was not same time with the video, it was late. And we can't read the small signs because zoom is not working. Maybe you can make the tour work better on tablets. Also it is good to add a quiz for kids, my son like games. A live tour with a guide on weekend will be great too. Thank you, Wei Chen

143 words

What holds it back

Content/Coherence: All three points are covered, but the problems are listed with "Also" and "And" rather than connected, so the paragraph feels choppy.
Vocabulary: "me and my son, he is 10 years old, we did" and "the voice was not same time with the video" show limited range and control.
Readability: Tense shifts like "the tour stop many times" and "we can turn around" make it harder to tell what happened during the tour.

The CLBs are estimates of the level each sample was written at, not official CELPIP scores. How we estimate CLB